After surveying the results of The Dog Vote thus far, I feel called to action. I am compelled to explain to the politicians, bloggers, Wolf Blitzer, my owners, the pug at the dog park wearing an Obama bandana and, of course, the rest of my fellow dogs, why exactly I am a Mutt for McCain.

I grew up in humble surroundings, you see. Unlike Leona Helmsey’s dog Trouble (whose mammoth inheritance continues to astound me), I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. My mom got knocked up underneath the high school stadium and, before you know it, my brothers and sisters and I were all on our own. I won’t go into details about the trouble I got in to during my early years, but suffice it to say I was pretty down-and-out. Scrounging through garbage cans, hanging out with dogs from the wrong side of the tracks, never knowing where I would lay my head each night.

But you know what? I turned my life around and did it all on my own. I got myself adopted by a real nice family that takes me to the dog park every day. I earn my keep by barking at the dogs walking down the street, and I live a pretty good life. It’s nothing flashy, but I pulled myself up from my bootstraps (er, collar) and earned it. I believe in hard work, personal responsibility and individual rights. And besides, I heard John McCain will appoint loyal pets to his cabinet positions.

Peace. Prosperity. Mutts for McCain.